When finding rest is hard, when your nervous system is used to always being on guard, and your body is used to movement, rushing or constant stress- switching off, slowing down and resting can sometimes feel uncomfortable.

The moment the body becomes still, instead of peace other things arrive instead.

Stopping can feel unnatural, and when we do stop - in come - racing thoughts, guilt, agitation, emotions, mental lists, restlessness and even discomfort in the body.

Thoughts become louder, just when we want them to become quiet.

I have heard from wāhine in class-

“I couldn’t lie still”

“I was thinking about all the things on my to do list ”

“Rest makes me more anxious”

“I need to keep moving”

And there’s nothing wrong with this.

For many of us our nervous systems have become highly adapted to movement, responsibility, caregiving, productivity, constant stimulation and/ or a sense of urgency in our lives.

Stillness can feel unfamiliar, and even unsafe.

Because our nervous system can learn to stay permanently switched “On”

Many women become deeply practiced in holding everything together

🌙 Anticipating other’s needs.

🌙 Pushing through.

🌙 Staying productive.

🌙 Ignoring the signs of fatigue.

The body becomes efficient at, and used to ‘doing’.

My first yoga teacher 35 years ago used to say – “we must remember we are human ‘beings’, not human ‘doings’.”

But resting and even slowing down, are different skills entirely, and ones we can learn - with a little practice.

When we finally pause, that deep breath may feel like vulnerability rather than relief.

Trauma can play a part. Sometimes when we stop, instead of feeling the beauty of our breath and freedom in the body, feelings or thoughts come back. Just when we are seeking peace. We can’t soften our bodies and let go, because we feel we need to stay alert and ever watchful.

This may look like:

·      Struggling to lie still

·      Needing background noise constantly

·      Difficulty in long holds in yoga

·      Wanting to leave restorative poses quicker

·      Becoming sleepy but unable to fully settle

·      Feeling safer busy than quiet

This is common and if it sounds like you, you are not broken, and you are not alone.

Rest isn’t the same as collapse

For many wāhine they only really stop when they are already completely depleted.

True restoration is not:

• Zoning out on a phone while overstimulated

•     Running on adreline all week and then crashing

•     Forcing yourself into silence or stillness when your body feels unsafe

  Real rest often needs supportive transitions...

Supportive transitions like-

🌿gentle movement

🌿rhythm

🌿gently guided but unforced breaths

🌿grounding

🌿and guided relaxation practices

- can feel more accessible than immediately dropping into stillness.

Sometimes the nervous system benefits from-

🪷 Movement before stillness.

🪷 Containment before openness.

🪷 Grounding before surrender.

🪷 Rhythm before quiet.

This is one reason slower – but still moving somatic flow poses, and Yoga Nidra- guided deep relaxation - can be so powerful.

They create a bridge into rest rather than a demand for one.

Why gentle practices can bring up emotion:

When the body softens, we sometimes become aware of what has been held below by constant motion or bracing-

Fatigue.

Grief.

Mental overload.

Loneliness.

Relief.

Tenderness.

Fear.

None of this means the practice is failing- in fact the opposite is true, yoga is meant to shine the light of awareness on your true inner self.

Yoga practice shines a light on the parts that have been left covered, in order that these parts may be integrated back into the self, that you may begin to accept and love all the parts of yourself, even those held in the shadows.

Sometimes it means the body and mind are ready to let go, and with support, release and find rest comfortable again.

You don’t have to start with a deep, seated, hour long meditation- simple short practices that begin to feel more regulated in your body, may be helpful.

If you want to experience stillness and relief, or just drop down into a deep relaxation and come out feeling restored again, without agitation… then try some simple practices and build from there- there’s no rush…

You could try-

·      Placing the hand on the heart and one hand on the belly for 3 breaths

·      Lying on the floor with knees bent instead of formal meditation

·      Gentle swaying or rocking before stillness

·      Shorter guided meditations or relaxations

·      Candlelight or softer lighting in the evening

·      Plentiful support for the body in the form of props, pillows, blankets

·      Listening to a calming voice rather than sitting in silence

·      Letting yourself move in practice instead of forcing stillness

·      Keeping breathing practices simple and deepening slowly over time

We are looking for support rather than control- and this can lead us into rest.

Changing the narrative around rest

Sometimes our beliefs around rest have been handed down to us through parents, or inter-generational trauma.

Or business, work and productivity has been glorified by whānau or society. Resting may seem counter productive to you when in fact it can help sustain productivity, clarity and wellbeing.

Or if you have a body and nervous system shaped by dance or sport, you may have self and even co-regulated, through movement- so stillness can feel aggravating rather than soothing.

Perhaps it's time to ask yourself - what are my beliefs around rest and relaxation?

Do you believe rest has to be earned?

Is it only something that only privileged people do?

Are we seeking validation from others with our level of busyness?

What if restoration was not laziness, weakness or lack of discipline?

What if tending to your nervous system was a part of your wellbeing- not separate from it?

What if you believed that those around you and those you are responsible for also benefit from your wellbeing?

For many wāhine, healing starts by learning how to feel safe enough to let go, rather than hold on.

Not only feeling safe but feeling worthy too.

Knowing that you have done enough, and you are enough, exactly as you are. You can let go now.

And sometimes that letting go happens slowly, one breath at a time...

“Hurihia tō aroaro ki te rā tukuna tō ātārangi kia taka ki muri ki a koe – turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you.”

Aroha nui 💜

Linsey

Join my Deep Guided Relaxation Yoga Nidra -' Rongoā Moemoeā' audio programme for rest here

Join my mini course Yoga for Calm here

Both these programmes help guide you into a deeper state of rest.